


What She Deserved

by ideserveyou



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Angst, Enemies and Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Rape, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-24
Updated: 2010-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 18:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/ideserveyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai takes his revenge on Goda, and Arthur learns something</p>
            </blockquote>





	What She Deserved

'She got what she deserved.' Kai's voice is grim as they canter side by side along the grassy track.   
Arthur takes one look at his set face and decides not to pursue the matter any further.  
They thunder over the rise and down into the forest without speaking.

Without warning, Kai pulls his horse to an abrupt halt, slides from his saddle and stumbles into the trees. Arthur turns back in time to catch the reins of the big black stallion and loop them over a branch, along with his own.

Somewhere away to his right, he can hear Kai retching.  
'Kai?'  
'Go away.' Kai's voice is low and miserable. 'I don't want your help.'  
'As you wish.' Arthur keeps his tone level, but his heart is troubled. Ever since Goda's treachery was revealed, his beloved brother has been on some dark journey of his own, somewhere Arthur can't follow. And just as by the lakeside, Kai is turning away from the outstretched hand that would help him...

After what seems half a lifetime, Kai emerges into the track and leans wearily against a tree trunk, pale and drained. Arthur sets a hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and shakes it off with a snarl.   
'Don't touch me.'  
Arthur draws breath for a stinging rebuke, but thinks better of it. Something very bad has happened here, and like an animal in pain, Kai is going to need very careful handling if Arthur is to help him at all.

'What happened?' Arthur's voice is as gentle as he knows how to make it.  
Kai's knees buckle and he sits down abruptly with his back against the tree. He buries his face in his hands; he doesn't want Arthur to see his tears.   
Wordlessly, Arthur rummages in a saddlebag for a waterskin, and hands it to Kai to wash the bitterness from his mouth. He sits down next to Kai, close but not touching, and waits until he can hear that Kai's breathing has steadied.  
'Tell me.'  
He slides an arm round the hunched shoulders, and Kai shudders at the touch, but he doesn't push him away.

'Tell me, Kai.' Arthur's voice is still quiet and even, but his tone demands a reply. 'I have to know. Did you kill her?'  
Kai shakes his head. 'I couldn't . I'm sorry. I failed you - '  
'I'm not here to judge you. I just want to know what happened.'  
'She was asleep, and defenceless, and I raised the axe but couldn't bring it down. She was my enemy - and yours - but - but - '  
'But you loved her once. And as you said, what would I know of such things?'  
'Don't mock me.'  
'I'm not. I'm trying to help you. But how can I help with your trouble when I don't even know what it is?'  
Kai heaves a huge sigh, and spits the words out between clenched teeth.

'Arthur, it was my desire for Goda that got us into this. And since I couldn't kill her, I thought to use that desire to take my revenge on her, humiliate her before her people as she humiliated me in front of mine. So I -'  
He chokes to a halt and Arthur says, very quietly, 'You forced her.'  
The blond head nods. 'I forced her, with an axe to her throat. And I hated it.' The bitter words keep coming, like blood from a wound. 'She was still - intact. And I wasn't gentle. I was angry. It hurt her. It hurt both of us. I couldn't - finish it. But it was enough to leave her senseless and bleeding - ' He is shuddering at the memory. 'And I hung the stained blanket over her doorway to tell the village of her shame. There'll be no bride-price for Goda now. But it was all for nothing.'  
'Nothing?'  
'She'll hate me now more than she ever did. All I achieved was to make a dangerous enemy even more dangerous. No matter if nobody in the village will listen to her; what if she goes to the Saxons with what she knows? I've failed you, failed the whole village. I'll have to go back and -'

He tries to scramble to his feet, but Arthur holds him down. 'Wait a moment. Kai, there may be no need to kill her.'  
'But I have to - '  
'Kai. Wait. We need to be practical here. So: Goda's our enemy, she's still alive, and she knows all about our defences.'  
'Yes. So she has to be killed. And I have to do it.'   
'Wrong. And wrong. Don't you remember what Llud taught us about strategy? To concentrate on the things you can change about a situation, not on the things you can't. We can't make Goda our friend, and she can't un-learn what she learned, and we're not going to kill her, so what does that leave?' He is almost smiling now; he always enjoys a strategic challenge, and this time he has an answer.  
Kai sighs wearily. 'I have no idea. But you're going to tell me anyway.'  
'I am. Kai, there is something we can change about this situation. We can change our defences.'

It sounds so simple. And Arthur is so pleased with himself. Already he is thinking of possibilities, of others who might contribute ideas. 'It'll be a big job, but it's worth it. It'll make us more secure -'  
'And make me even more unpopular.'   
'Kai, there are good reasons why we should do it even if Goda were dead. Plenty of others in Athel's village know our secrets now. And any one of them might be captured by the Saxons and forced to talk. The people will do what I tell them. And if you still have a bad conscience about it, you can salve it by doing extra sentry-duty.' He gives Kai's shoulders a friendly shake, releases him and stands up.  
'Time we were on our way.'  
Kai scrambles to his feet and reaches out a hand. 'Arthur, I'm sorry -'  
'Your apology is accepted. No more are necessary.' There is a touch of asperity in Arthur's voice. The time for comfort is over, and they have a job to do.

Kai feels like banging his head against the tree.

Arthur is very careful not to let himself feel anything at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours and a fair amount of mead later that evening, in the firelight of the longhouse, Arthur sets down his empty cup on the table. They've been talking over the events of the past few days and one thing is still puzzling him. He's warm and comfortable, Kai seems at ease now, and the mead tells him that he can ask the question.

'So tell me, Kai, of all the women in the world, why did you have to pick that one? Were there not women enough in this village to choose from?'

Kai gets up from the bed, where he has been sitting polishing his axe. His face is dark with anger and pain. Arthur realises that both he and the mead have made a mistake.

'There is no woman in this village whom I would choose.' Kai's voice is low, but perfectly clear.

'Kai, I'm-'  
'Leave me alone. I need to go and get clean.'  
With that, Kai storms out of the house and down to the lake, leaving the axe on the bed.

Arthur sits down on the rumpled blanket and lays a hand on the axe haft, as though it can speak for its owner.

He sits there for a long time before following Kai down to the lake.

And this time, when Arthur helps him out, Kai doesn't turn away.


End file.
